I had always wanted to be a mother, so when we started trying in July 2010, I was full of (rather misplaced and naive!) excitement that it would happen quickly. It didn’t. As each month rolled by without success we felt increasingly despondent. Finally in May 2011, we got the positive pregnancy test we’d been hoping for. All went well until some spotting at 9 weeks, followed by a scan at the EPU where we were told the devastating news that there was no baby. We were informed we’d had a blighted ovum and I could either wait to miscarry naturally or have some intervention. After a week of waiting we opted for surgical management and on discharge we were told it was an unfortunate thing that’d happened, but the chances were that it was a sad one off event and we would most likely be successful should we want to try again. We were desperate to try again, and started trying as soon as we were able, only to receive an appointment to attend an outpatient clinic at the EPU. At this appointment we learnt the news that our pregnancy had actually been a complete molar pregnancy. We were dazed, confused, and frightened about what this meant for us, and our future. We were immediately started on the follow-up programme with Western Park in Sheffield, and began an anxious period of six months of testing and the all clear to try again.
We were extremely lucky to conceive the second month of trying at the end of our follow-up in January 2011, and entered the New Year full of hope. We had extra scans lined up with our consultant, given our molar history, and after three scans and hearing our little one’s heartbeat, we went to our 10 week scan apprehensive, but cautiously optimistic. We were however faced with the devastating news that in the week since our last scan, our baby had died. We were absolutely crushed, and I was booked in for surgery again. Despite a complete molar pregnancy being already ruled out, there was still the worry that this time may have been a partial molar pregnancy, so we had an agonising wait for the results after our surgery, before we were ready to try again.
To our amazement, we conceived very quickly again, but this time our dreams were shattered quickly, as I lost our third baby naturally at 5 weeks. We were beginning to feel all out of hope, especially as we set out to try again and it wasn’t happening. All our recurrent miscarriage tests came back ‘normal’, and we were told just to keep trying.
Nine long months passed by without a positive pregnancy test, and we felt ourselves sinking to our lowest ebb. Eventually we conceived our fourth baby and hoped this would finally be our take home baby. Hope quickly turned to despair though when I miscarried again at 6 weeks. We were so sad and so lost and felt all out of options. Extensive research and a recommendation from our consultant led us to attending an academic research unit run by one of the leading researchers in recurrent miscarriage. The team there were amazing at inspiring our last glimmer of optimism and we conceived the second month after our appointment – our fifth pregnancy. We kept waiting for it all to go wrong, and each appointment found us battling a range of emotions, but to our great surprise, everything was progressing as textbook. Our weekly scans at the EPU helped enormously, and each week we felt so grateful to still have our little one growing. I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy Blake a week overdue in April 2014 (nearly four years after we began trying), and he was everything we had wished for and so much more. After the journey we had been on, we felt extremely lucky.
Time passed and we felt ready to put our hearts on the line to try again. In October 2015, we visited the same team again, and conceived in the following month. The same anxieties flared and we had a very nervy pregnancy, but in July 2016 we were blessed with our beautiful baby girl Alba.
Looking back now I can barely believe everything we went through to get where we are today. At points I completely lost hope that we would ever achieve our dreams, and we feel so lucky to have got there.
Throughout our journey I was very lucky to have developed an amazing support group through the molarpregnancy.co.uk forum. These ladies were there for me every step of our journey – sharing the highs, and the crushing lows. Very few people appreciate the worry that comes with molar pregnancy, nor the crippling anxiety and worry that comes with pregnancy after loss. These ladies absolutely got it. We’re all still in touch and although mostly we’ve never met in person, I know they’ll be friends for life.
For anyone going through the same nightmare of molar pregnancy and loss – keep going, keep hoping, dreams can come true.